Reality on the real for real caught on a reel

1 am Saturday morning caps off a surreal day. Got up at 6:15 am 5 mins later I’m in a cab heading towards the 7 train and by 7am I’m sitting on the Jay Thomas Show on Howard 101.

After handling Casey anthonys future innocent verdict we finish with chyna’s oversized clit and she hears the conversation and refuses to come on air with us. All in all awesome, I got some jokes on air and some gems for ira.

The morning was completed with a piece of chicken perfected by Lisa G with Jason Kaplan’s new barrage of bacon flavored rubs and a ride down to the lobby with Opie and Anthony who were cool as fuck.

Scott the engineer, Shuli and I with Dan from Howard tv rode to Ronnie’s house where we filmed some more and the jumped in Ronnie’s truck for the 4+ hour ride to PA.

Howard tv was running two cameras in Ronnie’s truck it’s odd to figure out the fine line of reality performance while acting natural when my natural inclination is to play straight to the cameras, I’m almost better suited for segment producing / writing than being filmed but I’m sure over time it’ll be a new challenge to tackle.

The traffic was shitty of course because that’s just manhattan on a Friday and the running traffic commentary from Ronnie and Scott was hysterical to watch, I wonder at what point of aging does traffic become an interesting point of discussion, I’m sure that’s why bad radio keeps traffic and weather together on the tens to keep focused on the inane.

The show in Chambersburg PA was great and the fans were very nice and enjoyed the access they got from the cast members. Shuli crushed, Yucko did well and was able to limit the n word to under five.

The highlight has to be Scott’s hype man dancing intro which you’ll be able to check out on Howard tv next week and I’m sure they’ll discuss it Monday because it was gold.

Wolfie was on hand to do post show interviews and find some fan reaction but I think the presence of the h tv cameras made the fans be more polite.

It’s 7am now saturday morning I finally got six hours of sleep and there’s not a single bit of hangover which is great because I haven’t had a few pops since February and the 11 vodka cranberries I downed along with fan party favors were the perfect cap off to an odd week that featured LA with Sal and Richard a drive from LA to TX and a flight from TX to NYC.

Enough “reality” and now back to reality which will involve some heavy duty cardio , yoga and back to the better choice section of Lifes menu. This is the first “cheat” day I’ve had in 90 days and I’m not sure I’m a fan of the concept, I get the calorie loading / metabolism aspect of it it’s just odd to say ” yeah I’ll have candy” because it’s a cheat day, but I guess moving from sugar addict to having sugar and feeling odd about it can only be described as progress.

And to quote my favorite philosophical lyricist Greg Graffin.

“And progress is a message that we send.
One step closer to the future, one inch closer to the end. I say
That progress is a synonym of time.
We are all aware of it but it’s nothing we refine,
And progress is a debt we all must pay.
Its convenience we all cherish, its pollution we disdain
And the cutting edge is dulling,
Too many folks to plow through.
Just keep your fucking distance
And it can’t include you.”

So ultimately in the grand scheme there is no progress because there is no “better” to “improve” from the previous “worse” taken deeper because there is no previous and the notions of “before, better, worse, progress and regression” are egoic illusions, my own Statler and Waldorf sitting in the balcony of my mind going on and on to each other and the only way to exist is to turn off their mics and just be.

The 45 hours of footage shot covering 8 hours of life will be documented and edited into a 30 minute package to be consumed and judged by the public a nation full of Statler and Waldorfs and I’m sure if my odd assholish nature came out it’ll be there as another reminder that in the end the only reality is the space in between breaths where no thoughts dwell.

Judgement has it’s own platform spread over television, cable “news” and the landscape of social media and the key to unlocking the door of that trap is a simple clicking off of attention and back to “reality”.

Contemplating returning to New Mexico I’ve got some unfinished business there and I’d like to plug in further to that feeling of community and acceptance In the middle of nowhere where real progress is made repairing the foundations of others lives one smile at a time.


I’m in a tricked out Denali listening to Sirius now with Ronnie, Scott, Shuli and Dan from Howard tv and I learned something great, be it a limo driver, a reporter a camera man, an engineer and a dick joke enthusiast / stand up philosopher…..

Everyone loves the Ramones.

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