comedy

Seriously … A wheel chair… Come on …

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I’m sitting at the Columbus airport, it’s 5:05am, I’m in a wheelchair and my ankle can only be described as fucked up. The cops and paramedics were hella cool and Carey mixed a sweet vodka infused vitamin water zero roadie that I’m nursing while we wait to fly. Best part is that we ditched the handle of vodka in the garbage outside only to retrieve it thirty minutes later to make the pain and airport boredom manageable. Lol Up The Punx.

So three songs into our pitboss 2000 reunion set tonight during “blow the ladder” I found a soft spot in the stage and I rolled the ankle. I’ve rolled this ankle before many times at shows. The last time it was this bad, it was the summer of 97, I was in Detroit watching Machine Head and Corrosion of Conformity and after I sang a Cromags cover with MH I noticed there was a shit head seig Heiling in the front row which is enough of an open invitation for violence so we jumped off the monitor and my left foot found his shoulder and my right foot found his face and I dropped 370 lbs of fat kid on him which knocked him out but I traded an ankle for it.

Maybe that’s karma coming back that one song after we did “Driving with your Chin Aka the Ballad of Christopher Reeve” where we lyrically bash the handicapped I hemmed up my ankle.

Everything happens for a reason and I’m enjoying being able to be lazy and sit around buzzed in my wheel chair. Maybe it’s a wake up call that my 40 year old ass needs to stick to jokes and leave the young mans game of hardcore to the young dudes. Maybe, except every dude I respect is still doing this in their 30s to 60s and I’m gonna keep it up and enjoy it while it’s here.

Columbus hasn’t changed, the kids and music hasnt changed my friends haven’t changed and I can always count on that.

We used to practice twice a week in a warehouse and we hung out and did shows in 2000, 11 years later, same practice space, same songs, but it didnt feel one bit like 11 years had passed, there’s something about being involved that stops the aging process.

I am gonna stay young until I die, why? Because I get to choose to. Everyday, every choice, to not be jaded to accept what is and to no longer resist this universe.

I just wheeled my way through security, I was prodded, wanded and searched for bomb residue and I made the best of the process, what else could I do I’m internally raging on vodka and no sleep.

There was a dude in the handicapped stall in the Mens room…. what an asshole. Can’t you see that’s for people who need it ;).

For the cripples…. Cause they can’t mosh.

Everybody move it!

You can still rock in America

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Breathing is life and it’s the ever changing exchange of the life force coming into your body. Trends will come and go as surely as your chest will rise and fall with each breath and when you reach your limit and check out you will realize there is no death and no reason to be anxious about what is.

I was meditating and focusing on my breath today, off in the blackness of my closed eyes colors and images started taking shape and when I turned my attention on making it out and digging for relevance it was gone.

Don’t we love those experiences that rock our foundations be it an encounter with a fellow traveller or the shattering ego death that can accompany heavier drug trips, I think of the experiences that I’ve had, phenomenon witnessed, transformations and miracles, coincidence, fate and sometimes I find it hard to focus when someone is telling me about a funny reality show or something they read on twitter and I want to scream about the wasted breath and that their time in this existence is short and to take a hold of life and actually live and that there are absolutely no life changing relevant things on twitter.

Btw @johntole

Anyways, it’s a bit frustrating to know I have people close to me who can’t get there, to watch them struggle, to watch them wonder what’s wrong, to dream and never do but it strengthens my resolve to keep sharing no matter how off my rocker they think I am.

TV, the Internet, movies, social networking, the 24 hour cable news cycles are all traps. They exist to trap you into the life of reaction, the life of judgement, a deep sleep where you wake up on your death bed and beg for more meaningful moments with your family that you ignored while Hollywood and Madison avenue filled hour mind with drivel and the need to buy ultimately worthless possessions out of boredom.

I’ve been without tv since march and have also been on a news fast. If something major happens there are no shortage of folks who will tell me, but even now 120+ days into my news fast it has not impacted my life in a negative way, in fact quite the opposite, I have time to put positive energy into positive endeavors where as news is a constant cycle of fear mongering and hand wringing while middle America takes one right up the middle while corporations profit.

Poverty, famine, war, terrorism, corruption, lies, politics which create and encompass all of it will always be and with the removal of it from my world view I have seen some marked improvement in my productivity and over all well being.

The laughing baby is the new water skiing squirrel.

Tell me when the squirrel starts laughing I’ll tune back in, otherwise you’ll catch me twice a week at adrift float spas here in dallas off of Preston and Northwest highway enjoying the sensory deprivation of their amazing floatation rooms.

If you enjoy relaxation, meditation, if you would like to experience zero gravity and discover the power and soothing presence of your breath, I suggest you head on down.

That’s where I was today right in the middle of my first 36 hours in dallas, between 2 of the 4 sets I’ve done, after my radio show ( Health, Wealth and Happiness on 1190am Dfw Monday through Friday 11 to noon) and before a kick ass yoga class at American power yoga, I was floating, I was breathing and for a brief second I caught a glimpse of eternity and it was Laughing on water skis.

Today’s set list:
Period joke
Psychology
Marriage is like homelessness
Online dating
Garage sales
Used excercise equipment
Hot lava monster
School programs

Huge thank you to everyone who took time to check out the UYH Records Web Store at

http://useyourheadrecords.bigcartel.com/

Arizona 6/21/11

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Monday night at Hennessey’s in Laguna Beach it felt like home again. The crowd was energetic and it was great to share the “fountain” with Dallas Favorite’s Justin Foster and Raj Sharma. Last nights gig didn’t have a stage however there was a one foot fountain we were able to perform from. It’s just a continuing string of odd events that have been following me since I took off from Dallas in March.

To borrow the reverse of Gary’s line my career is at a two but my life is at a “noine”. I woke this morning after crashing in the sweltering desert heat of Lake Havasu, nothing like your maintenance light coming on at 1am in the middle of nowhere and it would be even easier to freak out over the possibility of disaster but I’d much rather enjoy the break and free coffee at the dealership. This is my fifth oil change this year and today I can add Arizona to Texas, Louisiana, Pennsylvania and California to my dealership list. The folks always tell me it must be exciting to travel the country and see everything and get away from their customer service desk, endless barrage of Toyota marketing and their eyeball strain wasted on the one unattainable hot chick each dealer employs. I don’t have the heart to tell them that their lives and experiences have been replicated and even though the natural terrain changes the people have started to become as plastic and sterile as the unchanging Starbucks, Ihop, 24 Hour Fitness and every other corporatized entity that sells the same bland experience, but at least here the coffee is free.

Today is all about grinding some miles away to meet a stranger in the desert and discuss all things existence, universe and consciousness.

It’s good to escape the fame trap of LA and my trip to CA was highlighted by my 40th birthday with my family and dancing and putting on shows for my six month old nephew. I know he only laughs as a reaction to energy but thats the lesson to learn in this whole life. He enjoys the socially conscious backseat musicals starring Seth the Elephant, Chauncey the Giraffe and Asian Horse , I probably should video next time.

I turned 40, The Sox are in first, the bruins won the Stanley Cup, I’ve dropped 40 lbs, found the cure to depression, the fountain of youth and got my first Howard Stern mention while on a three month roadie that took me from TX to NY to TX to LA to SF and all points in between and even though Foreigner’s “Urgent” is playing there’s ultimately no emergencies in a universe that doesn’t make mistakes.

I’ve pealed back the curtain on reality and there are times I wish I hadn’t but in a universe that doesn’t make mistakes I need to stay on top of the now and guide as needed. The hot chick at the dealership has added me to her pay no mind list and has gone back to complaining how her man doesn’t pay enough attention to her and that my friends is life at the dealership, where people go because they have to not because they want to but at least the coffee is free and the 80s station is pumping out the hits and the Cars are reminding me I’ve got “just what I needed”. Free coffee, a nice break and the sweet jams from The Outfield.

Sent from my iPhone