A KO for TO as The Ronnie Mund Block Party Invades Canada

The travel day starts like most with a sleep deprived 5am shuttle ride to the airport. Two couples sit across from each other, the broads are yammering away about their friends wedding and their husbands stare at each other hoping the warm sensation of death will one day wash over them. The conversation morphs into the TSA and how they were unable to bring aboard an expensive bottle of wine on their last work trip. I want them dead. Sorry this is me at 5am on zero sleep with two planes to catch as I make my way from Austin TX to Toronto Ontario Canada for two sold out shows for The Ronnie Mund Block Party.

A three hour layover in Houston allows me a unique opportunity to see Canadian’s up close and now were packed like a Mardis Gras Paddy Wagon on our way up to the Great White North. In my 15 years of doing shows in Canada this is the first time I’m working legally and showing up with an actual work Visa and since the biggest hurdle for the weekend is getting into Canada I’m on my best behavior.

The line into customs moves quickly and within 10 minutes I’m going through the border agents where I’m directed to head through to another waiting area with armed guards that I can only describe as an airport version of a DMV. They take my passport, my work papers and tell me to sit down. The room is bleak and I get that uneasy feeling one of these doors leads to a room where they could make you disappear if they needed to. After a half hour our promoter shows up and pays the money to get me into Canada and relieved I head to baggage claim where my exit to freedom is blocked by a 700 person line through two more guards to actually leave the airport.

Add to the aggravation of the line I gotta stare at this fat guys ass crack eat his pants and the middle eastern guy who felt his spit behind me actually involved constantly touching me and breathing down my neck. 30 more minutes I’m free and being driven to the venue in Mississauga which is large (740k pop) suburb of Toronto.

The venue is Blue Suede Sues in Mississauga and it’s primarily a dance club and not at all laid out for comedy. It was comedy in the round, no real focal point and the lay out and decor was wild. Imagine Graceland if it was decorated by Spencer’s Gifts meets a fat goth girls bedroom and enough black and white tile you’d think we were performing at the Peach Pit on Beverly Hills 90210. Put it this way, if they would’ve approached Quentin Tarantino to use it for Pulp Fiction he would’ve said “Perfect but let’s dial it back by 95%”.


The venue owner was a great guy and assured me the place was perfect and Rob Bass had performed there. I told him doing comedy to 350 crazed Stern fans who professionally heckle was not the same as a rehashed 90s hip hop concert for 40 year old white people. 
After a mic check and some tweaks we were ready to go and they popped the doors and the fans poured in. Ronnie, Shuli, Maddog Mattern and the man of the hour JD Harmeyer finally made their way in having also battled security, customs, flight delays, Friday evening Toronto traffic and jet lag.

The energy was hot and the fans were ready for a wild ride.

JD came out to thunderous applause followed by an enormous “FUCK SCOTT!” chant that erupted and bellowed through out the venue. The fans had the tiny stage surrounded and were thoroughly entertained by the comedy of myself, Maddog and Shuli. Ronnie had no shortage of Hot Chicks and at one point had four women up on the stripper pole while JD held court from the other stage. 

Canada has some die hard Stern Fans and we brought out some local celebrities including a gentleman known as “The Cash Man” who presented Ronnie with a Sterling silver Tiffany Rattle to give to Scott The Engineer for being a baby and quitting the Block Party.

It’s a $500 rattle!!! FUCK even when he’s not here and not doing anything that bald fuck made more money.

So despite my concerns for the venue, the show went off without a hitch and based on the reviews and photos from twitter the fans were more than pleased with the show.

Ronnie, Shuli and JD with the owner of the venue who is a big fan and a great dude! 

 Not only were there a lot of hot chicks one fan in particular came up onstage and revealed her natural rack selection to the delight of the fans and while I do have the video, this blog prevents the posting of nudity but look to upcoming content from Howard TV where not only will you see this top notch rack but better footage of Dabadass JD Harmeyer delivering a solid lip lock to a standing ovation!


And how to round out a night of partying with the Ronnie Mund Block Party?

Well if you’re touring with Maddog Mattern and he can’t sleep unless he’s hopped up on St. John’s Wort and enough melatonin to put someone to sleep faster than a Gary story, you hit up the local Walmart, which is just like American Walmarts except everyone is in shape and has health care.

Saturday brought a full schedule to the four regulars that including interviews with askmen.com , The Naked News, an Eat and Greet, a photo shoot and a private fan dinner and with a full schedule like that, the only way to travel is by party bus.


The Eat and Greet was at Jack’s Backyard and the fans were fed a wide variety of BBQ and from Noon to 3pm the booze was flowing and people were getting to meet the Block Party Tour members and even Hanzi the gentleman known for his conspiracy filled phone call rants to Howard was in attendance. 


This guy not only showed up rocking a Maiden Jersey, he also won a $200 drawing and when he told me he wasn’t able to get tickets for that nights Block Party because it was Sold Out, I scored some free passes for he and his wife. Up The Irons! Metal Heads should always take care of Metal Heads.


Inside of the bar was one of those prove your manhood punching bag games and with the fans piled in and Howard TV watching we had a box off. I had cheated by practicing twice and rocking a 760 out of possible 999 so I felt like I had the contest won.

One by one we all took our swings as the crowd cheered.

JD went, then Maddog, then Ronnie, myself and finally the headliner Shuli. With my lackluster bag missing 452 as the score to beat, Shuli stepped up.

Someone yelled out “Pretend it’s Scott’s face!” and that’s all Shuli needed and he landed a serious haymaker and scored a 666. The place went berserk and as Maiden Fans Shuli and I are were even more stoked.

Final Tally

JD 350
Maddog 425
Ronnie 448
John 452
Shuli 666

One fan after the contest stepped up and banged out a 905 , his fist was like a truck and I thought I was watching early clips of a you g Clubber Lang training montage from Rocky III.

After the eat and greet we headed over to the venue and started our photo shoot for content for the upcoming Block Party Site, Ronnie Mund Jamaican Get A Way site and photographer David Leyes was there to capture our good looks and during our down time we were able to rest and catch up with twitter.

After the photo shoot the gentlemen and huge Stern Fans Stewart and Derrick who had provided our party bus took us and about 20 other folks to an amazing steak house. They were awesome dudes and it was a great start to a wild night.

The Show that night was stellar, Ronnie had Rachelle Wild from the Naked News up with on stage, Shuli got a woman in her 50s ? to also dance, Maddog and I killed and the fans were loud and out of control. The highlight to me was Hanzi and Ronnie arm wrestling and by all accounts and in this reporters humble opinion Hanzi won. However , Hanzi outweighs Ronbo by atleast 100 lbs, he’s 30 years younger and bit less crazy so it wasn’t really fair to begin with.


Let’s take a break in the blog action and have Maddog Mattern himself break down the Canada trip.

Things that make Canada awesome!!!!
1) everyone there is super friendly but at the same time rugged. Like they would kick your ass but then ask if there is anything around the house they can help you with. 

2) it’s incredibly clean. No garbage,homeless or junkies soiling the streets. It’s so clean I’m convinced that std’s in Canada make one healthier. Catch clap in Toronto and it makes your eyesight better. It’s like eating carrots but more fun.

3) if you don’t drink all the time you are a walking vag. And the first people to call ya that are women. Canadians drink all the time and handle there booze like a professional. Know one got out of hand yet everyone was drinking since the last time the Leafs made the finals. At the meet and great a woman who was a school teacher called me a pussy for drinking coffee at noon. She then pounded three shots and four beers like she was Quinn in “Jaws. She would of stayed and drank more but she had to prepare a lesson for Monday on plate tectonics. Forget hockey drinking is the national past time!!!

4) hottest black girls ever!!! In the states we are convinced there are not many black folks in Canada. Well this is a great secret. I looked into the crowd Saturday and saw a bunch of dark skinned angels that would make a neo/nazi consider a career change. And all these sirens could drink anyone under the table!!! To quote Yakoff Smirnoff (That’s right you read that correctly. A Yakoff Smirnoff reference. What you gonna do about it?) WHAT A COUNTRY!!!!!!

We love Maddog and he has been a huge addition to the tour. Follow him on twitter @maddogmattern 

After the show we took pics with the fans, signed stuff and went out for some late night strip club antics.

For Strip Club Audio and an interview with Hanzi check out the new episode of John Tole’s America Podcast 

We finished the night with some friends and fans at Denny’s where Shuli devoured a Grandslamwich.

A quick toast and a huge Thank you to Jerry our Canadian promoter, everyone at Blue Suede Sue’s, Stewart and Derrick for the food, bus and strip club VIP experience, to Rachelle Wild from the Naked News, Peter from Askmen, Hanzi, Jacks Backyard, Jeff Bellamy from Prime Web Design, David Leyes, Dan from Cleanbox Entertainment and all the incredible Howard Stern Fans who made it a memorable weekend. 

Up next
Long Island, New Jersey and Providence in June.

Tickets and information is available at Cleanboxentertainment.com

Follow us all on twitter if you aren’t Already

@rmlimodriver69
@shalomshuli
@jdharm
@maddogmattern
@johntole


See you guys on the road!
John Tole
5/31/12


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Golden State Block Party Tour to Sacramento and San Francisco

Here we go again and welcome back to another edition of The Ronnie Mund Block Party Tour Blog brought to you courtesy of John Tole’s America starring Carey Denise. Thank you for all the kind comments and I’m trying to get back to everyones questions as fast as I can. You can either hit me up on twitter @johntole or email me at johnrtole@gmail.com .

It was another one of those surreal career weeks where I go from a club to an open mic to a festival and a block party all in the span of 5 days. I was stoked to be invited to the first ever Moontower Comedy Festival here in Austin TX and allowed me to opportunity to perform with Joe Mande, Jay Oakerson, Lucas Molandes and more as as we did showcases Wednesday and Thursday nights.

The Wednesday crowd I opened for was for The Dan Band and if you’re like me you’re like “who?” but then you realize it’s the dirty cover band from Starsky and Hutch, Old School and The Hangover and you go from who is this to let me bust my camera out.

I had the chance to grab the mic and share some airtime with Covino and Rich who were cool as Hell, huge Howard fans and great on air.

After Thursdays show I pulled an all nighter and by 7am CST I was winging my way to the City by the bay. The plan was I arrive at 10am I get picked up, we come back at 1pm and pick up everyone from the tour and Howard TV.

With the black cloud diner in full effect and unluckier than a Chinese younger sister the planes coming from the East were delayed and now no one is landing until 5pm which puts us in the middle of Bay Area Traffic with 90 miles and probably 3 hours to get to Sactown.

I’m sitting at a cafe when the call comes in and I exit the gate only to be fully engulfed in Ronnie’s Block Party Glory as the Block Party Bus pulls up.

It’s everything you think it is, half ex prison bus from “The Longest Yard (Reynolds not Sandler) and half rolling strip club.

It’s got a lounge area, tv’s, booze, couches, bunks and of course a stripper pole.

Side note don’t have the photo of the stripper pole be the first picture you send your wife or there will be a minor disturbance in the marital force.

Here is the bus in it’s glory.

At 5pm we picked up the gang and we were ready to go and make the trip up to Sac, Ronnie and Shuli were stoked about the bus, Scott wasn’t sold on it and everyone settled in for the long ride up north.

After a booze fueled ride up I-80 we pulled up to Shenanigans in Sacramento and the fans were ready to go!

Everyone piled inside to get the show ready for the TWO! Sold Out Sacramento Events!

The Line up
Scott
Ronnie
Eric The Actor
Yucko The Clown
Maddog Mattern
John Tole
Shuli Egar.

The police had some concerns with the bus but all was well in Block Party Land.

The shows went off like clock work and the fans were excited to be part of the party. Yucko killed, Maddog destroyed and Shuli and I rounded out the night and sent the fans home happy to be part of a one of a kind comedy experience.

My Block Party experience was over and I made way back to Austin for my final Moontower Show which was The Festival’s Dirty that I was hosting which included Pat Dixon, Rachel Feinstein, Jay Oakerson, Ari Shaffir and with a hot room going it brought out the Roastmaster himself, Jeffrey Ross to close out the night.

This is the first time in the history of John Tole’s America that I’ve had the opportunity to host a new voice and with my early departure from the tour I’m handing the reigns over to Maddog Mattern to bring you all home.

Maddog is a beast of a comic, a mans man and the dude can write his ass off.

ENJOY !

John Tole

Day 2 San Francisco: by Maddog Mattern.

Saturday was a dream come true. A legendary town. San Francisco. A legendary venue. The Great American Music Hall. And next to us a legendary strip club. The O’Farrell theatre (which was once managed by my hero Hunter S Thompson). Magic was in the air.

We get to our hotel at 2 pm. It is the hotel that Bradley Nowell of Sublime died in. The Phoenix. It’s black Cloud is perfect for the tour. Since we also carry a black cloud (Scott). Maybe they’d cancel each other out.

Our pool was full of lesbians with tattoo’s, Buddy Holly glasses and a lot of man hate. As we tried to figure out what we would do in the waning hours before show time. These girls stated at us like we were lesbian starter kits. And they had good reason. We were a bunch of Loud mouth, abrasive, non sensitive mooks of all ages openly talking about how we were gonna wack it to these hellions in our hotel rooms. We are scum!!!
The scum went to fisherman’s warf. It went like one would expect. Scott wanted to see the town. Ronnie wanted to focus on seeing some local talent. Scott and the boys enjoyed watching the saloons on pier 39. Ronnie thought they were pussies. He has a point all they do is lay around. They are basically sea hippies. Makes sense they are in SF.

We leave the Warf and go to the venue. It is utterly beautiful. Walking in there gave me chills. It looks like an Opera House with a huge stage and decadent looking balcony. This was no fooling around. This was big time babies. It was at that point that I realized that regardless of how this gig goes I had made it. We were about to be on the same Stage Robert Plant, Elvis Costello and Tom Waits played. This was a thrill. But the true thrill was to come later.

As a performer killing is always great. But killing to 850 people in a rocking theatre is life altering. We are all better people after this show. The crowd had a wild hysteric energy. And the performers did too.

Eli Braden opened by playing awesome song parodies that worked the crowd into frenzy!!! Everyone was singing along to lyrics about Robin’s jugs. When he left the crowd was ready to rock. Scott then came out and after a huge pop from the crowd he lost them by attempting jokes.

Out comes Ronnie Mund for the save. Crowd explodes like a volcano of love. He truly is a rock star. Drenched in Mambo and looking like a stylish mechanic who gets pussy. Ronnie then brings out Eric the Midget/actor. He talks for a minute and then out comes the unknown on the show….. Me. I hit the crowd in jaw. With the help of a black guy in the crowd who kept calling himself ….. The black guy. We played off each other like Martin and Lewis. After my set comes Yucko. Who brought the creepy hysterics coming. Shuli came out and destroyed. This was his night. The crowd ate everything he gave him. And then asked for more. At the end of the set Shuli got some broad to blast her mammaries in the face of Eric. Which was a tender moment. And by tender I mean a moment for Eric and the rest of the depraved in the building (including me) to get the blood going in the pickle. It was a great first show. Everyone was flying high after the show. But there was one more to do. We had to reach down for one more. And that’s what we did!!!!!!

In between shows we all are loose as a goose. Maybe to loose. Libations are flowing and eventually tempers. An argument erupts backstage between Scott and Ronnie/Shuli. Over what? Honestly who knows? And who cares? It led to utterly wonderful chaos. After Eli’s wonderful warmup Scott grabs the mic and starts by saying that Shuli and Ronnie are the two biggest dicks in the world. He then slams the mic then exits. The crowd erupts in a sound of shock. Ronnie then takes the stage minus intro music. Crowd is nuttier than Chinese chicken salad. Ronnie calls Scott back to the stage. Scott yells at Ronnie while moving towards him. Ronnie picks up mic stand and tells Scott “if you make one more step I’ll hit ya in your bald fucking Head!!!” as the late great Gorilla Monsoon might say we were about to get Wrestlemania before Wrestlemania. As this occurs I get brought up. They skipped Eric and went to me. I opened by saying what a thrill it was to try and do standup after The comedy equivilant of Shawn Michaels throwing Marty Jannety through Brutus Beefcake’s window. It goes good. Half the balcony looks like the Mexicans who were gonna kill Erhan Hawke in “Training Day” I close strong and hold my arms in the air in triumph. After that I finally start drinking. My poison? Guinness. Why? Because I’m a gentleman.

Eric comes out to a STANDING ovation
like the Pope does in the Vatican. Yucko cleans the house like a methed up House wife. Shuli than brings it all home.

The show kept climbing. Each act found a crowd that was getting stronger. That doesn’t happen much for a late show. Usually the opposite. This is a testament to the fans and frankly out crew. This is a great show. We took diversity and tempers and still delivered. Thus might be a bit of a comedy train wreck. But it’s a gottdamn professional train wreck. Stern personalities with pro comics and pro support staff in Cleanbox Entertainnent. We came together and made it happen!! Know one got hurt. And at the end everyone was happier than a pig in shit because the adversity led to a totally unique once in a lifetime show. It’s an honer to be on this tour. It’s chaos but like Heath Ledger’s Joker said “I am an agent of chaos.” This is the best show on earth. Come get a piece.

Thank you for checking out the blog!

Toronto is later this month and then the East Coast in June!

Please continue to support this blog and my podcast we have new shows coming up every Tuesday and Friday and it’s a lot of fun.

Thank you to everyone at Cleanbox, Howard TV, Ronnie Mund, Shuli Egar, Yucko, and Maddog for making these events once in a lifetime experiences!

See you on the road!

Hit me up!
John Tole’s America Podcast

Add me and Maddog Mattern on twitter
@johntole
@maddogmattern

JOHN TOLE’S AMERICA IS BACK ON!

John Tole’s America returns as John and Carey Denise discuss telling the truth on the road, John horrifies his mother with his stand up comedy and the story of an enraged UK dentist who pulled out all of her ex boyfriends teeth, the man is hoping to recoup the cost to replace all eight. (Seriously though all 32 choppers…GONE…WTF  Join us!

http://www.podbean.com/videoplayer/player/videoplayer320_black.swf?playlist=http://www.podbean.com/podcast-audio-video-blog-playlist2/blogs49/474604/playlist/playlist_video.xml
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